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Being human

Warm Thoughts…

6:45pm Dark is fast approaching, traffic is heavy, muscles almost feel sore for fighting to keep me warm, I’m bundled up. The layers somehow make me heavier but warm. 

There’s a deep crave for very hot chocolate and warm buttermilk biscuits. I am fatigued and in dire need of some time off. 

I feel like I’m programmed only that my battery is low. So low. 
The thing about all work and no play is making you put so many things on hold. Time comes when you want to just hang your gloves and stop the fight…but the bell doesn’t ring…the fight goes on and on. Life presents you with so many hard knocks…..but you have to just get back up and fight….
But, I am thinking warm thoughts and so I’m hoping Mother Nature can think warmly too and smile some. And soon. 
And so, it’s a wake up call to take some much needed rest. I strongly suggest. Change the environment you’re in if only for three days. Stretch those sore muscles. Breathe out. Get back up and knock out negativity. You have purpose. Let it drive you. To sunshiny thoughts. To victory. To rest your mind and to feed your soul. To recharge your batteries. To know that sometimes the winds of change take us to better places. 
It’s worth it. 

You’re worth it. 

I’m worth it!!
Ps: stand close to people who feel like sunshine. It makes the journey in life easy😊☀️☀️

  

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Rambling Thoughts…

  
“Thank you Lord. For today. For the Universe. For family. For food. For school. For teachers…….” A. M. E. N.  
Simple. Genuine. Precise. Leaves you Misty eyed. It’s a simple prayer of a seven-year-old boy…..Night after night mostly we sit by his bedside and pray together and I’m always wowed awed and moved. 

While my prayer is much more detailed sometimes it’s coupled with that days worries and burdens and let-downs…and it shouldn’t. But my human self let’s it!!
Sometimes you have to play the cards you’re dealt. Extraordinary Hardships….will always be there!!
Nothing can prepare us for the adversity life can throw at us. 

Day by Day…we all go through so much and we always grow through it. We all have stories that put our lives into perspective. We should not compare and compete. Instead we should learn from these experiences and get inspired. 
Being older means yes, you have learnt a lot through and through but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open to more lessons, insights and growth. 
Not all classrooms have four walls. Lessons in life are from everywhere and everyone. All the darn time. If you’re not keen enough so many things can pass you by. 
The simple prayer from a child can change your perspective and approach to life. 
A simple idea from a 20 year old to a 60 year old can be eye opening. 
A single person can give a life-changing advice to a married person. 
Are we willing to learn and to keep an open mind?
Be resilient. 
Be uncomfortable at times ( paying attention to your emotions for emotions are meant to be felt not suppressed).
Rewrite your story. Be authentic. Share that story. You’ll realize that when you open up you’ll know people for who they are…!
See the world as it is….ha!!
Be your own superhero. 
Be creative. Improvise where you can. 
Focus on what you have. Don’t wait….
Find your purpose…based on your values. 
Have one person to cheer you on. Be with people who make you think. 
Above all leave your burdens to God. He ALWAYS ALWAYS comes through. 
Pray. 
Believe!!!

PS: (23:05:2015….it’s been three years since Papa passed away. It still feels like yesterday. We miss him dearly and we know he is always smiling down on us)

  

Time Out…

  

“You were not born to pay bills and die!”




I can’t tell you how many times this phrase gets to me. I’m sure I can’t be the only one. At times it feels like it’s like so!! 

We work! Work! Work! Work!
A good friend of mine once asked me along time ago how I fit anything social into my life! It was a true genuine concern which actually saddened that moment…. I actually do…otherwise I would go mad…I said😂😂

Everyone needs time out.

 To re-focus. 

To breathe.

 To be centered. 
I work very hard. That’s a fact. Two jobs. There’s a job after my regular job. But I don’t mind. There are people with no jobs!!

 And there are many people who do the same. Work! Work! Work! I love my job. Helping people who are in pain get better is fulfilling to say the least. I am thankful. Being thankful goes a long way. At least I know it works for me. It’s important that people be thanked for what they do. It really is. Otherwise they might never know how much they’re appreciated. 

The world is ever changing. People have to make ends meet. But also finding a correct balance at times becomes a challenge. Times moves so fast!!
Then you have to have a circle that makes sure you’re grounded. That you don’t have to break when you do these things. When you adult. People who are willing to remind you that it’s okay to take time out and regroup. People who are willing to listen to your troubles and actually understand why you work so hard. People who remind you that asking for help is not being weak. People who don’t judge you in whatever way. 
It’s 9:12am on a somewhat cold-ish Friday. It’s been a tough week of fighting a throat infection and crazy traffic jam. But I’m feeling super energetic and light. 

Life is tough. 

Life is beautiful. 

It’s even better when we take time out every so often. 
Work hard. But live life!!
Life is for living.

 Not for enduring!

  

Life is For Living…

Nine days ago was my last journal update( I know I know….it’s a long time)…

I wrote, “listen to yourself….the voice that’s in your heart and not your head; it’ll lead you to your goal!”What was I going through?? 😎😎
What can I say….? It’s been a roller-coaster of events and emotions…as usual. It’s amazing how times pan out sometimes…WHOA!!
The mind is a battlefield indeed!!!
We lost a workmate due to a short illness and that really weighed down on us big-time. It was an emotional time to be honest and one that deeply engraved into us the true meaning on living in the moment. Life is indeed for living. May you dance with the angels buddy. 

So I sit and sip on my green tea and reflect on the days gone by and also on the lessons that come with everyday. 

I’ve been having fatigue. Physically. Emotionally. Whateverly…I mean really! I was actually looking for possible vacation locations just Incase… ( it’s good to be optimistic..it’s the thought that counts right?)..I have to make it happen sooner…
I realized that life like I said can pan out in interesting ways:-
1) Confusion: you become confused about your direction and focus as a human being. As it happens confusion can be a strong point in life….for it’s where you get to learn new things. It’s not easy but I’ve learnt to embrace confusion when it happens. You learn about people and situations better. Your eyes are opened. Ps: you are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. 
2) Brokenness: this is part of life. There are many things that break us,..but despite it all realize that it comes with healing. It’s never permanent. You learn to heal through music, art, friendships, getaways….
3) Frustration: when you’re frustrated you learn to make authentic decisions. Oh boy! This one is major. So many things can frustrate you. Grrrrrr (breathing in and out)! Lemmi not focus on it today. This tea is calming…Ps: you know you’re on the right track because things stop being easy!!

4) Sadness: oh this month has a fair share of sad moments😿😿😿😿😞. But it’s during this time that you can hear your heart’s wisdom. Do not suppress this emotion at all. Cry if you have to but live through it. Ps: weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.


5) Joy: this is to be experienced almost everyday. There are so many reasons to. Especially when you sit and realize that you’re here. Now. In this very moment. Healthy. Fed. Clothed. Be joyous at all times. 
I’m listening to Jazz. I’m calm. I’m feeling great. I never want to hide from my emotions. I used to but I’ve met people who have taught me not to suppress things. Even if you are stark raving mad. 
Life is for living. Be brave. Be authentic. Be ready. You’re worthy. Always!!!

Ps: when you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better~ Solange!!



  

So Smile…

It’s Friday, It’s been raining( a welcome change from the heat wave that was threatening), I sprinted up from bed 11 minutes late. 5:11am to be exact. But I managed to say a thank you to the Most High. God you’re good to me😊. 
Brushing my teeth, I looked at myself in the mirror…long and hard and I smiled. A very complicated smile…built on many layers…
First it was the smile of Gratitude. For Life and lessons learnt. Hard way and easy way. 
Then it was a smile for the Zest that I have to face today. And after being sick, I mean why not smile? I am feeling like a Superstar. 
Then it was a smile of pride, for my son. He was brave enough to pull out his own tooth that we were fighting about😂💪. He could not believe it after he did it… It was on a 1,2,3….pull out count. Kudos son😘!
Then it was a smile of overcoming! You wake up, idiots happen and you manage to overcome nonsense😁! Dalai Lama says, “Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace!” So whoooosa😋!

And the amazing thing about being grown up is that time passes by so quickly. 
Then it was a smile for trust. I’m Learning to trust my journey. I’m loving my energy. 2018 bring it on😋!
Then it was the smile that the person always looking back when I look at the mirror is one that deserves all the good things. I mean, why the hell not??
And so I decided to wear jeans, a light sweater and my Converse shoes. Light and free. Because that’s what smiling does….
Especially if you appreciate all that God has given to you and appreciating yourself. 
Ps: Basically what we see depends on what we are looking for. Look for Joy. Be Joy. 
You’re Lucky. 
I am Lucky. 
So smile😊!
  

You Matter…

“Treat people like mirrors & watch how you reflect in their eyes…!”
A sweet lady I know just sent me this text as I was getting myself ready to scratch this writing itch that has persisted. I journal everyday alright, but that’s different…
This is to tell you that God is Timely, Never doubt that people! I needed that text today…
Monday was a drag! To say the least. But I survived it. That’s why I wanted this therapy. Writing is my Escape. 
Today holds a better promise plus I’m feeling amazing. I am oozing positivity. So let’s indulge in it!
Instead of focusing on making ends meet, which is okay. Let’s live. Now! 
Here is how I am doing it: 
1: Pauline Don’t rush

I am focused on not trying to tackle everything at once. One thing at a time. One emotion at a time. One moment at a time. One day at a time. To Breathe!
2: Put off/ brush off Negativity 

I am an ambassador of this one. Ha! ha! Someone made me so mad the other day, I was shaking with fury. Literally shaking…Lord have Mercy! I decided consciously to move away from that moment, from that environment and literally sort some air, to breathe…this helped a lot. And while I’m yet to attend to that party..one that I have to sort…I choose to not dwell on it. Quiet time is mandatory to sort through your emotions. Whether they’re raging or not. 
3: Get emotions out

At times life takes you to breaking points. You wanna scream, cry, beat your chest, call out profanities.. It helps. 

Sort through the emotions I say. Handle the emotions nonetheless. Don’t shy away. 

Get in lots of positive vibes. The negative won’t have room. 
4: My Value… My Worth

How much are you worth? Ha! Ha!

Rate yourself as high as you can. I am and I try to be authentic( it’s a lifelong journey), nourish yourself, feed your soul with all the good stuff, trust your journey, be fab. You matter.
5: Just one Me: 

I am becoming the best version of who I am meant to be. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. But I want more money( 💯✔️😹😹). I am more wholistic in my approach to life. I cherish what I have in the present moment. I am lucky. I realized that my enjoyment of something doubles if I realize just how lucky I am to have it. So cheers to Life. Cheers Pauline. 
6: The Good

Ha!

When you get somethings right, you enjoy so many aspects of life….God. Love. Motherhood. Family. Work. The positive power of Friendships. Food. Etc
I still need more of Sand in my feet and wine in my hands. Vacation. Vacation. 
7: Goals

My goal today is to take yesterday to another level and tomorrow to soar high. But to ultimately sparkle today….go Higher, be better, be more positive, have lots of fun!
8: Quality/ Quantity

The Quality of moments lived is awesome when you maximize on them. No matter how much time you’ve got. Be meaningful. Connect with your moment. 
And so I am smiling because I am feeling good. My itch is scratched. My coffee needs a refill, but I am content. My heart is feeling settled. It’s beating for it’s purpose. I am alive in this moment. I am thankful. 
Ps: You are powerful, prove it to yourself. 😊

  

The Here and Now….

Days fly by so fast. So so so fast. At times you can’t catch up. Other times you are at per…..In the moment….
You go through life expecting things to happen for you. Doing what everyone expect of you, tucking your happiness under your pillow when you make your bed in the morning on some days and on other days letting things go and focusing on the now. At times you don’t take charge of your life…You at times decide to just be…
I am 💯% responsible for my life. I am my choices. I am in charge. I just need to remember that. Always.
I could give me more credit for my talents and abilities. I could do with more belief in self and confidence. This is always a work in progress in all of us….
The weekend felt awesome and it proceeded to make Monday feel like an additional day in the weekend. You laugh so hard you wanna cry or you actually do. These moments don’t happen everyday but they happen. Special moments. Bonding with family and friends….
I only got one shot in life. This is it. It’s a great gift. I mean why should I not enjoy everything that it has to offer? We can’t turn back the hands of time and do things over again. Nope. You just can’t!!
You have to venture out. Into the unknown. With faith. Belief in self. Smiles. Laughter. Tears. Heartbreak. Highs. Lows. All of it. 
Just know how to react to the situations. 
Remember: God opens millions of flowers without forcing the buds. Reminding us not to force anything…for things happen perfectly in time…
Stay Zen!!
  
 

The List….✨

I told myself to pick something random to do. Anything that will help in this journey of authenticity. So I took a book and wrote down three things that I want to carry into the year ahead…

To smile!
To Breathe!
To shake it off!

Reflections of the year gone by are oh so mighty….Oh boy what a year!!!It feels like a blink of an eye. Working too hard. So much to do. So little time. Too many emotions. Too many changes. Leaps. Dips. Bounds. The works… An attitude of gratitude and thanksgiving for the year that has been is all I have….WHOA!!!

SMILE:Smiling moments have been many. But the moment that crowns it all is smiling because God has got my back no matter what. And many many tiny wow (in a good way) moments…engraved in my heart!!

BREATH: It’s inevitable at times…to find yourself holding your breath because you allow yourself to be consumed in what the tough and rough times offer….as it’s human and universal…take time and breath…just whoosa as much as you can. Through Disappointments…breathe! Through Expectations…breathe! Anger…..breath! Tiredness….breath!!

SHAKE IT OFF:You ever found yourself in a situation where so much is expected of you and you give it your all and somehow it’s never enough? Yeah, I know you know what am talking about…well, honey, don’t stress…just SHAKE IT OFF!! There is only so much we can possibly do. Situations, people, some days will always want more from you. Don’t kill yourself trying to fit in.SHAKE IT …….OOOF!!!

So I sat and looked at my list and thought how simple yet at times hard to do these things. Really!!! But I will carry this through.

As a human, given a plain white piece of paper with a single black dot placed randomly within the paper…we tend to focus on the black dot missing out on all the white and we just end up feeling stuck up, bitter…etc…

But life is an adventure….the real adventure is the life we share with the people we have along the way. The adventure of a lifetime is always right in front of us….it’s cleverly disguised as a familiar face.

There is always a million pick me ups along the journey. Let’s focus on the white. The positive vibes. The familiar faces that care. The moments that make your heart smile. Let the hard times shape and STRENGTHEN you, don’t let them bring you down.

SO SMILE. BREATHE. SHAKE IT OFF!!!

A brand new year AWAITS!!

WhoopWhoop😜!!

Scattered Thoughts (being Human)..


I was sulking and I did not quite realize…..as usual my thoughts were scattered….so many things to think about..

Is it even remotely possible to run from your own thoughts sometimes?.,

Maybe I just needed a holiday or my choice of music wasn’t quite up-beat. Nonetheless I needed to scribble something down…that itch that needs to be scratched..

It’s okay to feel unmotivated sometimes. We cannot have it all together….no one has it all together….and this is a FACT!!

There are times when you try to focus on something but no-matter how hard you try, if you’re not motivated it can’t happen the way you want it.

How many times do you start to write or read or plan to cook a meal from a recipe you saw on All-Recipe and halfway thru you feel so done..? A disconnect somehow happens..

Motivation somehow has a way of escaping us. True or false!?

Then at times it’s killed by obstacles that present themselves when they are least expected.

Last Sunday I wanted to bake cinnamon banana loaf. I was so ready. After church and feeling so light.. Blessed and hunger driven…I went ahead and added some things from the shop that I needed for the bake..
I got home and a black out decided to happen. I grrrrr-Ed, whoosa-ad, ate my lunch and dozed off…with my baking motivation killed…… but at least I had a long nap…

This is what I was telling you when I told you earlier that my thoughts were scattered….

My thoughts were on holiday. Motivation. Banana loaves. Soaking up the sun. Sunday naps. Blessings. Hunger…(.it’s a long list😂😂)!

All in all. I love that am human enough to know that I cannot have it all together. I work towards it, but marvel in the lessons I learn from the obstacles that life presents. It’s with overcoming these obstacles that I have managed to continually gain strength as I journey on in life.

Let’s human😂😂😊!!

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