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daily struggles

Rambling Thoughts…

  
“Thank you Lord. For today. For the Universe. For family. For food. For school. For teachers…….” A. M. E. N.  
Simple. Genuine. Precise. Leaves you Misty eyed. It’s a simple prayer of a seven-year-old boy…..Night after night mostly we sit by his bedside and pray together and I’m always wowed awed and moved. 

While my prayer is much more detailed sometimes it’s coupled with that days worries and burdens and let-downs…and it shouldn’t. But my human self let’s it!!
Sometimes you have to play the cards you’re dealt. Extraordinary Hardships….will always be there!!
Nothing can prepare us for the adversity life can throw at us. 

Day by Day…we all go through so much and we always grow through it. We all have stories that put our lives into perspective. We should not compare and compete. Instead we should learn from these experiences and get inspired. 
Being older means yes, you have learnt a lot through and through but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open to more lessons, insights and growth. 
Not all classrooms have four walls. Lessons in life are from everywhere and everyone. All the darn time. If you’re not keen enough so many things can pass you by. 
The simple prayer from a child can change your perspective and approach to life. 
A simple idea from a 20 year old to a 60 year old can be eye opening. 
A single person can give a life-changing advice to a married person. 
Are we willing to learn and to keep an open mind?
Be resilient. 
Be uncomfortable at times ( paying attention to your emotions for emotions are meant to be felt not suppressed).
Rewrite your story. Be authentic. Share that story. You’ll realize that when you open up you’ll know people for who they are…!
See the world as it is….ha!!
Be your own superhero. 
Be creative. Improvise where you can. 
Focus on what you have. Don’t wait….
Find your purpose…based on your values. 
Have one person to cheer you on. Be with people who make you think. 
Above all leave your burdens to God. He ALWAYS ALWAYS comes through. 
Pray. 
Believe!!!

PS: (23:05:2015….it’s been three years since Papa passed away. It still feels like yesterday. We miss him dearly and we know he is always smiling down on us)

  

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Time Out…

  

“You were not born to pay bills and die!”




I can’t tell you how many times this phrase gets to me. I’m sure I can’t be the only one. At times it feels like it’s like so!! 

We work! Work! Work! Work!
A good friend of mine once asked me along time ago how I fit anything social into my life! It was a true genuine concern which actually saddened that moment…. I actually do…otherwise I would go mad…I said๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Everyone needs time out.

 To re-focus. 

To breathe.

 To be centered. 
I work very hard. That’s a fact. Two jobs. There’s a job after my regular job. But I don’t mind. There are people with no jobs!!

 And there are many people who do the same. Work! Work! Work! I love my job. Helping people who are in pain get better is fulfilling to say the least. I am thankful. Being thankful goes a long way. At least I know it works for me. It’s important that people be thanked for what they do. It really is. Otherwise they might never know how much they’re appreciated. 

The world is ever changing. People have to make ends meet. But also finding a correct balance at times becomes a challenge. Times moves so fast!!
Then you have to have a circle that makes sure you’re grounded. That you don’t have to break when you do these things. When you adult. People who are willing to remind you that it’s okay to take time out and regroup. People who are willing to listen to your troubles and actually understand why you work so hard. People who remind you that asking for help is not being weak. People who don’t judge you in whatever way. 
It’s 9:12am on a somewhat cold-ish Friday. It’s been a tough week of fighting a throat infection and crazy traffic jam. But I’m feeling super energetic and light. 

Life is tough. 

Life is beautiful. 

It’s even better when we take time out every so often. 
Work hard. But live life!!
Life is for living.

 Not for enduring!

  

Life is For Living…

Nine days ago was my last journal update( I know I know….it’s a long time)…

I wrote, “listen to yourself….the voice that’s in your heart and not your head; it’ll lead you to your goal!”What was I going through?? ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž
What can I say….? It’s been a roller-coaster of events and emotions…as usual. It’s amazing how times pan out sometimes…WHOA!!
The mind is a battlefield indeed!!!
We lost a workmate due to a short illness and that really weighed down on us big-time. It was an emotional time to be honest and one that deeply engraved into us the true meaning on living in the moment. Life is indeed for living. May you dance with the angels buddy. 

So I sit and sip on my green tea and reflect on the days gone by and also on the lessons that come with everyday. 

I’ve been having fatigue. Physically. Emotionally. Whateverly…I mean really! I was actually looking for possible vacation locations just Incase… ( it’s good to be optimistic..it’s the thought that counts right?)..I have to make it happen sooner…
I realized that life like I said can pan out in interesting ways:-
1) Confusion: you become confused about your direction and focus as a human being. As it happens confusion can be a strong point in life….for it’s where you get to learn new things. It’s not easy but I’ve learnt to embrace confusion when it happens. You learn about people and situations better. Your eyes are opened. Ps: you are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. 
2) Brokenness: this is part of life. There are many things that break us,..but despite it all realize that it comes with healing. It’s never permanent. You learn to heal through music, art, friendships, getaways….
3) Frustration: when you’re frustrated you learn to make authentic decisions. Oh boy! This one is major. So many things can frustrate you. Grrrrrr (breathing in and out)! Lemmi not focus on it today. This tea is calming…Ps: you know you’re on the right track because things stop being easy!!

4) Sadness: oh this month has a fair share of sad moments๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ž. But it’s during this time that you can hear your heart’s wisdom. Do not suppress this emotion at all. Cry if you have to but live through it. Ps: weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.


5) Joy: this is to be experienced almost everyday. There are so many reasons to. Especially when you sit and realize that you’re here. Now. In this very moment. Healthy. Fed. Clothed. Be joyous at all times. 
I’m listening to Jazz. I’m calm. I’m feeling great. I never want to hide from my emotions. I used to but I’ve met people who have taught me not to suppress things. Even if you are stark raving mad. 
Life is for living. Be brave. Be authentic. Be ready. You’re worthy. Always!!!

Ps: when you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better~ Solange!!



  

You Matter…

“Treat people like mirrors & watch how you reflect in their eyes…!”
A sweet lady I know just sent me this text as I was getting myself ready to scratch this writing itch that has persisted. I journal everyday alright, but that’s different…
This is to tell you that God is Timely, Never doubt that people! I needed that text today…
Monday was a drag! To say the least. But I survived it. That’s why I wanted this therapy. Writing is my Escape. 
Today holds a better promise plus I’m feeling amazing. I am oozing positivity. So let’s indulge in it!
Instead of focusing on making ends meet, which is okay. Let’s live. Now! 
Here is how I am doing it: 
1: Pauline Don’t rush

I am focused on not trying to tackle everything at once. One thing at a time. One emotion at a time. One moment at a time. One day at a time. To Breathe!
2: Put off/ brush off Negativity 

I am an ambassador of this one. Ha! ha! Someone made me so mad the other day, I was shaking with fury. Literally shaking…Lord have Mercy! I decided consciously to move away from that moment, from that environment and literally sort some air, to breathe…this helped a lot. And while I’m yet to attend to that party..one that I have to sort…I choose to not dwell on it. Quiet time is mandatory to sort through your emotions. Whether they’re raging or not. 
3: Get emotions out

At times life takes you to breaking points. You wanna scream, cry, beat your chest, call out profanities.. It helps. 

Sort through the emotions I say. Handle the emotions nonetheless. Don’t shy away. 

Get in lots of positive vibes. The negative won’t have room. 
4: My Value… My Worth

How much are you worth? Ha! Ha!

Rate yourself as high as you can. I am and I try to be authentic( it’s a lifelong journey), nourish yourself, feed your soul with all the good stuff, trust your journey, be fab. You matter.
5: Just one Me: 

I am becoming the best version of who I am meant to be. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. But I want more money( ๐Ÿ’ฏโœ”๏ธ๐Ÿ˜น๐Ÿ˜น). I am more wholistic in my approach to life. I cherish what I have in the present moment. I am lucky. I realized that my enjoyment of something doubles if I realize just how lucky I am to have it. So cheers to Life. Cheers Pauline. 
6: The Good

Ha!

When you get somethings right, you enjoy so many aspects of life….God. Love. Motherhood. Family. Work. The positive power of Friendships. Food. Etc
I still need more of Sand in my feet and wine in my hands. Vacation. Vacation. 
7: Goals

My goal today is to take yesterday to another level and tomorrow to soar high. But to ultimately sparkle today….go Higher, be better, be more positive, have lots of fun!
8: Quality/ Quantity

The Quality of moments lived is awesome when you maximize on them. No matter how much time you’ve got. Be meaningful. Connect with your moment. 
And so I am smiling because I am feeling good. My itch is scratched. My coffee needs a refill, but I am content. My heart is feeling settled. It’s beating for it’s purpose. I am alive in this moment. I am thankful. 
Ps: You are powerful, prove it to yourself. ๐Ÿ˜Š

  

Through the Motions…

As others are soaking in the sun and enjoying their summer season, I was looking for sunshine and found it in a double caramel macchiato and carrot cake…the weather has been chilly lately. I really don’t mind it though…the cold weather that is….so I checked into a Cafรจ for some much needed coffee fix and just to chill and gaze at people and read and just be…

The past few months have been crazy, too much to be done,..going through the motions, the highs, the lows…all these not new to anyone really… But, as usual I’ve come to learn so much. You just have to learn. There is no other way. Life is that way. Not sometimes…. But all the TIME!!


I’ve come to find fulfillment in simple things. That being a minimalist is so much better. That giving is far much better than receiving. That actions will always speak louder than words….That words are only words unless acted upon…

That you give energy to what impacts you positively..

That moving on with life is okay. You don’t need to be stuck up!

That people aren’t what they seem to be and that’s also okay!

That there’s no need to hold on to what you can’t control!

That you can manage your anger when life upsets you…just Whooooosa๐Ÿ˜œ!!

That planning ahead pays up big time!

That dreams do come true!


For me it’s an enlightment as I grow older. Day by day, moment by moment, there’s always a reminder that life is precious. We’re here only once. 


Be thankful for life. For peace of mind. Provision. Shelter. Clean water. Clothing. Food. Families. Friends. Laughter. And the list in endless..


And if things are so hard you just can’t stand them…just kneel….PRAY!!


As I sip on my mug of sunshine and eat my cake…I am just thankful for this moment!!!

  

Quotable Quotes…

Stop being on auto-pilot, Put yourself first, 

Recognize yourself, 

Stop pleasing other people,

or chasing some version of success that doesn’t resonate with you,

No need to numb it out with food, shopping, booze, TV, or other distractions,

Stop being worn down, beat up, stressed out, and completely depleted…. 
Wake Up

Live Intentionally!!! 

 

Quotable Quotes….

Do everything with a mind that lets go. Do not expect any praise or reward.

If you let go a little, you will have a LITTLE Peace.

If you let go a lot, you will have a LOT of peace.

If you let go completely, you will know COMPLETE peace and freedom.

Your struggles with the world will have come to an end….

~Ajahn Chah

life-1

The List….โœจ

I told myself to pick something random to do. Anything that will help in this journey of authenticity. So I took a book and wrote down three things that I want to carry into the year ahead…

To smile!
To Breathe!
To shake it off!

Reflections of the year gone by are oh so mighty….Oh boy what a year!!!It feels like a blink of an eye. Working too hard. So much to do. So little time. Too many emotions. Too many changes. Leaps. Dips. Bounds. The works… An attitude of gratitude and thanksgiving for the year that has been is all I have….WHOA!!!

SMILE:Smiling moments have been many. But the moment that crowns it all is smiling because God has got my back no matter what. And many many tiny wow (in a good way) moments…engraved in my heart!!

BREATH: It’s inevitable at times…to find yourself holding your breath because you allow yourself to be consumed in what the tough and rough times offer….as it’s human and universal…take time and breath…just whoosa as much as you can. Through Disappointments…breathe! Through Expectations…breathe! Anger…..breath! Tiredness….breath!!

SHAKE IT OFF:You ever found yourself in a situation where so much is expected of you and you give it your all and somehow it’s never enough? Yeah, I know you know what am talking about…well, honey, don’t stress…just SHAKE IT OFF!! There is only so much we can possibly do. Situations, people, some days will always want more from you. Don’t kill yourself trying to fit in.SHAKE IT …….OOOF!!!

So I sat and looked at my list and thought how simple yet at times hard to do these things. Really!!! But I will carry this through.

As a human, given a plain white piece of paper with a single black dot placed randomly within the paper…we tend to focus on the black dot missing out on all the white and we just end up feeling stuck up, bitter…etc…

But life is an adventure….the real adventure is the life we share with the people we have along the way. The adventure of a lifetime is always right in front of us….it’s cleverly disguised as a familiar face.

There is always a million pick me ups along the journey. Let’s focus on the white. The positive vibes. The familiar faces that care. The moments that make your heart smile. Let the hard times shape and STRENGTHEN you, don’t let them bring you down.

SO SMILE. BREATHE. SHAKE IT OFF!!!

A brand new year AWAITS!!

WhoopWhoop๐Ÿ˜œ!!

Music Heals….

…….”๐ŸŽถ…I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing

Roman cavalry choirs are singing

Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can’t explain

I know St. Peter won’t call my name

Never an honest word

But that was when I ruled the world….๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽค….

Viva la Vida…Cold Play Baby….

This music mix was happening around mid-morning…

Friday. Friday….

I woke up feeling dusty, tired, my neck was aching, I could use a reason for feeling this way but I guess it’s just one of those mornings. You wish you were waking up to find yourself in a stay-cation somewhere. The sounds of birds, the river, the trees and their whispering…but reality check……work awaits darling!!!

So coincidentally, I had put aside my blue pants…so much for feeling blue huh???
I did not even exercise..I should have…Those endorphins would’ve done me good.

Went to the bus…logged into social media( I avoid this in the morning)…but was looking for a pick-me-up I guess…

My phone went off and I logged into the world of Nicholas Spark’s True Believer…still no Sparks!!!

Then I just closed my eyes and extended my sleep…๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ‘€!

I get to work and do my coffee ( what a miracle worker)…and listen to Ted Talks…(get into this habit)…it’s good for you!!

What did it though apart from a call from a friend and seeing a long lost friend was music. Oh Music…

…๐ŸŽถ…for some reason I can’t explain …๐ŸŽถ…

Soft rock mix!!

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. …” Bob Marley!!

The magic brought an upbeat to my walk. And my face lit. As I worked I bobbed my head and sang along.

As I write this, I don’t feel bad about my blue pants( blue is my favorite color after all), my mood is light and am not feeling dusty. I might have to do something about my neck but am okay. Am smiling and am shining. And the music playing on radio is just super super amazing.

Thanking God it’s Friday๐Ÿ˜œ!!

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