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happiness

Warm Thoughts…

6:45pm Dark is fast approaching, traffic is heavy, muscles almost feel sore for fighting to keep me warm, I’m bundled up. The layers somehow make me heavier but warm. 

There’s a deep crave for very hot chocolate and warm buttermilk biscuits. I am fatigued and in dire need of some time off. 

I feel like I’m programmed only that my battery is low. So low. 
The thing about all work and no play is making you put so many things on hold. Time comes when you want to just hang your gloves and stop the fight…but the bell doesn’t ring…the fight goes on and on. Life presents you with so many hard knocks…..but you have to just get back up and fight….
But, I am thinking warm thoughts and so I’m hoping Mother Nature can think warmly too and smile some. And soon. 
And so, it’s a wake up call to take some much needed rest. I strongly suggest. Change the environment you’re in if only for three days. Stretch those sore muscles. Breathe out. Get back up and knock out negativity. You have purpose. Let it drive you. To sunshiny thoughts. To victory. To rest your mind and to feed your soul. To recharge your batteries. To know that sometimes the winds of change take us to better places. 
It’s worth it. 

You’re worth it. 

I’m worth it!!
Ps: stand close to people who feel like sunshine. It makes the journey in life easy๐Ÿ˜Šโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธ

  

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Rambling Thoughts…

  
“Thank you Lord. For today. For the Universe. For family. For food. For school. For teachers…….” A. M. E. N.  
Simple. Genuine. Precise. Leaves you Misty eyed. It’s a simple prayer of a seven-year-old boy…..Night after night mostly we sit by his bedside and pray together and I’m always wowed awed and moved. 

While my prayer is much more detailed sometimes it’s coupled with that days worries and burdens and let-downs…and it shouldn’t. But my human self let’s it!!
Sometimes you have to play the cards you’re dealt. Extraordinary Hardships….will always be there!!
Nothing can prepare us for the adversity life can throw at us. 

Day by Day…we all go through so much and we always grow through it. We all have stories that put our lives into perspective. We should not compare and compete. Instead we should learn from these experiences and get inspired. 
Being older means yes, you have learnt a lot through and through but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open to more lessons, insights and growth. 
Not all classrooms have four walls. Lessons in life are from everywhere and everyone. All the darn time. If you’re not keen enough so many things can pass you by. 
The simple prayer from a child can change your perspective and approach to life. 
A simple idea from a 20 year old to a 60 year old can be eye opening. 
A single person can give a life-changing advice to a married person. 
Are we willing to learn and to keep an open mind?
Be resilient. 
Be uncomfortable at times ( paying attention to your emotions for emotions are meant to be felt not suppressed).
Rewrite your story. Be authentic. Share that story. You’ll realize that when you open up you’ll know people for who they are…!
See the world as it is….ha!!
Be your own superhero. 
Be creative. Improvise where you can. 
Focus on what you have. Don’t wait….
Find your purpose…based on your values. 
Have one person to cheer you on. Be with people who make you think. 
Above all leave your burdens to God. He ALWAYS ALWAYS comes through. 
Pray. 
Believe!!!

PS: (23:05:2015….it’s been three years since Papa passed away. It still feels like yesterday. We miss him dearly and we know he is always smiling down on us)

  

Another Added Year…

   
 
21:27pm
3rd May 2018. 
It’s my birthday. Yaptidoooooโ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š
This month I’ll plan to celebrate it everyday as we should. And so I’ve planted a seed of hope and faith in my head and I’ll see to it that it takes root daily. I will water this garden with daily inspiration and positive vibes. 
I spent most of the day replaying the story that is my life and that has been….
There have been huddles and obstacles and I’ve always pulled through somehow. 

 So I’m feeling like I’m Watching it all again and it’s slow motion in some areas and fast in others. And I’m getting that tickling feeling in my chest and thinking to myself: this is what happiness feels like. Being able to accept your journey irregardless of however it has been and picking yourself up when you fall. 
So begins another added year full of explorations and untapped potential.

 Full of cheer and love. 

Full of life and laughter. 

Full of wealth of health. 

Full of God and His guidance. 
The garden looks green so far. I can’t wait for the colors that it’ll provide in the flowering period. 

  

Bright and Beautiful is my belief. 

I can feel it!!

  

Life is For Living…

Nine days ago was my last journal update( I know I know….it’s a long time)…

I wrote, “listen to yourself….the voice that’s in your heart and not your head; it’ll lead you to your goal!”What was I going through?? ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž
What can I say….? It’s been a roller-coaster of events and emotions…as usual. It’s amazing how times pan out sometimes…WHOA!!
The mind is a battlefield indeed!!!
We lost a workmate due to a short illness and that really weighed down on us big-time. It was an emotional time to be honest and one that deeply engraved into us the true meaning on living in the moment. Life is indeed for living. May you dance with the angels buddy. 

So I sit and sip on my green tea and reflect on the days gone by and also on the lessons that come with everyday. 

I’ve been having fatigue. Physically. Emotionally. Whateverly…I mean really! I was actually looking for possible vacation locations just Incase… ( it’s good to be optimistic..it’s the thought that counts right?)..I have to make it happen sooner…
I realized that life like I said can pan out in interesting ways:-
1) Confusion: you become confused about your direction and focus as a human being. As it happens confusion can be a strong point in life….for it’s where you get to learn new things. It’s not easy but I’ve learnt to embrace confusion when it happens. You learn about people and situations better. Your eyes are opened. Ps: you are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. 
2) Brokenness: this is part of life. There are many things that break us,..but despite it all realize that it comes with healing. It’s never permanent. You learn to heal through music, art, friendships, getaways….
3) Frustration: when you’re frustrated you learn to make authentic decisions. Oh boy! This one is major. So many things can frustrate you. Grrrrrr (breathing in and out)! Lemmi not focus on it today. This tea is calming…Ps: you know you’re on the right track because things stop being easy!!

4) Sadness: oh this month has a fair share of sad moments๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ž. But it’s during this time that you can hear your heart’s wisdom. Do not suppress this emotion at all. Cry if you have to but live through it. Ps: weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.


5) Joy: this is to be experienced almost everyday. There are so many reasons to. Especially when you sit and realize that you’re here. Now. In this very moment. Healthy. Fed. Clothed. Be joyous at all times. 
I’m listening to Jazz. I’m calm. I’m feeling great. I never want to hide from my emotions. I used to but I’ve met people who have taught me not to suppress things. Even if you are stark raving mad. 
Life is for living. Be brave. Be authentic. Be ready. You’re worthy. Always!!!

Ps: when you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better~ Solange!!



  

You Matter…

“Treat people like mirrors & watch how you reflect in their eyes…!”
A sweet lady I know just sent me this text as I was getting myself ready to scratch this writing itch that has persisted. I journal everyday alright, but that’s different…
This is to tell you that God is Timely, Never doubt that people! I needed that text today…
Monday was a drag! To say the least. But I survived it. That’s why I wanted this therapy. Writing is my Escape. 
Today holds a better promise plus I’m feeling amazing. I am oozing positivity. So let’s indulge in it!
Instead of focusing on making ends meet, which is okay. Let’s live. Now! 
Here is how I am doing it: 
1: Pauline Don’t rush

I am focused on not trying to tackle everything at once. One thing at a time. One emotion at a time. One moment at a time. One day at a time. To Breathe!
2: Put off/ brush off Negativity 

I am an ambassador of this one. Ha! ha! Someone made me so mad the other day, I was shaking with fury. Literally shaking…Lord have Mercy! I decided consciously to move away from that moment, from that environment and literally sort some air, to breathe…this helped a lot. And while I’m yet to attend to that party..one that I have to sort…I choose to not dwell on it. Quiet time is mandatory to sort through your emotions. Whether they’re raging or not. 
3: Get emotions out

At times life takes you to breaking points. You wanna scream, cry, beat your chest, call out profanities.. It helps. 

Sort through the emotions I say. Handle the emotions nonetheless. Don’t shy away. 

Get in lots of positive vibes. The negative won’t have room. 
4: My Value… My Worth

How much are you worth? Ha! Ha!

Rate yourself as high as you can. I am and I try to be authentic( it’s a lifelong journey), nourish yourself, feed your soul with all the good stuff, trust your journey, be fab. You matter.
5: Just one Me: 

I am becoming the best version of who I am meant to be. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. But I want more money( ๐Ÿ’ฏโœ”๏ธ๐Ÿ˜น๐Ÿ˜น). I am more wholistic in my approach to life. I cherish what I have in the present moment. I am lucky. I realized that my enjoyment of something doubles if I realize just how lucky I am to have it. So cheers to Life. Cheers Pauline. 
6: The Good

Ha!

When you get somethings right, you enjoy so many aspects of life….God. Love. Motherhood. Family. Work. The positive power of Friendships. Food. Etc
I still need more of Sand in my feet and wine in my hands. Vacation. Vacation. 
7: Goals

My goal today is to take yesterday to another level and tomorrow to soar high. But to ultimately sparkle today….go Higher, be better, be more positive, have lots of fun!
8: Quality/ Quantity

The Quality of moments lived is awesome when you maximize on them. No matter how much time you’ve got. Be meaningful. Connect with your moment. 
And so I am smiling because I am feeling good. My itch is scratched. My coffee needs a refill, but I am content. My heart is feeling settled. It’s beating for it’s purpose. I am alive in this moment. I am thankful. 
Ps: You are powerful, prove it to yourself. ๐Ÿ˜Š

  

Tomorrow is Not a Guarantee…

23:05:2015

I’ve just taken a motorbike to the hospital to see Papa since it’s visiting hours. It’s some minutes past noon and I have to be there in good time. He has been in hospital for almost a month. He is suffering from Dementia, Hypertension and Diabetes and they had to do a procedure to try see if it can help with the pressure wounds he had developed. 

The state I find him in is not very promising. He is on oxygen. How did this happen? “Complications of the surgery!” They say. He gives me this look. I can’t explain. I give him porridge. He eats abit. 

When the visiting hours are almost over, his condition deteriorates, he is gasping for more air. He is using his abdominal muscles now. As a medic, this is not a good sign. I help prop him some more. It helps only, but a little. 

They tell me to pray, I can’t find the words. I am crying now. So much is on my mind. I pray nonetheless. And wonder if this will be my last time to see what is left of his body…..with some life.  

I go on as difficult as it is and the call comes hours later from my brother that he had taken his last breath. Pronounced dead. 
He suffered. A lot…!
PRESENT DAY: 17:10:2017 

This was not long ago. But it feels like just yesterday when he went to be with The Lord. It’s crazy to think that someone who had such a huge part of your life can be gone in a second. 

It’s a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It’s the kind of heartache you feel in your bones. 
Is there a proper goodbye really? Just yesterday a friend slept and never woke up…No last words. Nothing. A very young person….so full of life!! 

We never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory~ dr. Seuss. 

THE NOW: 1527hours 



Why do we take life for granted? 

Why don’t we cherish it when we have good health? 

Why do we take for granted people who are placed in our lives? 

Why don’t we treat moments as if they’ll never come again? 

Give your all to what matters?

Do good?

Eat well?

Exercise?

Forgive? 

Move on?

Be in the now?

Our time is limited indeed.

Today is the perfect day to be happy!!!

Cherish it!!

  


To Forgive…

Somewhere along the way…in the journey that is life…on the graph of living, you find that as days present themselves, you can find yourself with so much inspiration or none at all…and not that it’s not really present but we fail to see it. You find that pressure takes over. And we let it!!
So on this particular day, I had my pen and my journal, and all I could do was stare at it, BLANK!! Which was ironic because the reason why I was in that moment was my rambling thoughts…to pour my heart out!!
But I had to focus…
So I managed to calm down my thoughts. You really can’t afford to disconnect from a moment of stillness once you achieve it, you don’t want the chaos in your mind to erupt!! 

I had to keep that calm and pen down something. 
Oooommmmm…
My thoughts brought me to FORGIVENESS. OWNING UP TO MY ACTIONS. LETTING GO AND PEACE….in that order really. 
(I was gaining my rhythm and was starting to feel more Centered)
I recently read that when you find that at some point life isn’t working, you have to look closely to see where you can forgive..Yourself, others, but mostly Yourself. And also to ask God to always forgive you. 
We all find ourselves in messes. I as many, are all victims of unforgiveness and not owning up to our actions.. We find it hard to be honest especially to ourselves. But to have peace, you really have to!!
Holding grudges is easy., But they have very damaging consequences….emotionally!!
We should be as quick to let go as small children are. Their conflict resolution is amazing. They don’t dwell on negativity. They’re quick to handle it there and then and move on. 
We can’t always be happy. That’s a given. But it’s a choice. It’s hard to forgive at times but it’s still achievable…because Peace is way cheaper than unforgiveness. Try to forgive, you don’t have to wait for an apology. If you want to be unhappy, hold onto anger. Don’t forgive. Pile up small issues…..etc
And as cool as you want to be, you are allowed to go thru all the motions. Cry. Wonder. Ask. Seek. 

Not all days are sunny, sometimes thunder is welcome. 
Stay on Purpose. Forgive. Let go. Be light. Give Light. Choose Peace. Be peace. 

  

Growing Older…

The month of May always has mixed emotions. It’s an exciting start as its my birthday and also so many of my friends celebrate their birthdays on this month. So we end up getting high on sugar and laughter and get togethers. So today I will focus on the good that comes with May.

Its exactly half past May…on a Monday…and as am having my lunch and tea, and having gained 4kgs in only 2weeks (ooops)…. I cant help but rejoice in the fact that being older ain’t that baaaad..lol…. even if my son doesn’t want to hear that am getting older…tihihihi.

When you’re surrounded by positive energy and also by beginning to trust your journey and God’s guidance, you can face life head on!

That’s exactly why its good to have a daily journal to jot down some things that you want to gain or have gained with every added day that you experience!

Here is mine:

  • reach new heights
  • be uplifting
  • be patient
  • enjoy the beauty around you
  • create your own music
  • stay active
  • enjoy nature
  • stand your ground
  • be strong
  • know when to slow down
  • if it itches, scratch it
  • live large
  • be clear
  • stay calm
  • be positive
  • make friends
  • reflect
  • be full of life
  • be free-spirited
  • carry your friends when they need it
  • aim at greatness
  • smile….

The list can be longer. The most important thing is to live for now.

As I age, I am Thankful for the journey, the lessons and the wisdom gained.

Cheers to many more!!!!

REMINDER: focus on what you can control in LIFE!!never-too-old

 

Acknowledge Yourself…

“Be a good person but don’t waste your time proving it…!”
That’s a fact!!!
Why do we waste out time proving who we are to people who least deserve it? I know for a fact that if someone doesn’t butter your bread or impact your life in any way, they don’t deserve any occupancy in your thoughts. So don’t rent it to them!!! Some people walk around thinking of ways to make some people notice just how good of a person they are… Or they truly want to share their world with that/those people. But why???
With time and as you age(lol), you learn that of all things (among many) that one can do….proving your worth is something you cannot do to some people. 
If you know you are doing things right,,,,treating people like they matter, giving the best version of yourself…then don’t wait for acknowledgment…so long as you’re happy being you…do it and don’t fret!!!
But if you are busy impressing people, then you’re in for a downfall….

Learn to acknowledge who you TRULY are….your worth….your ALL….look inside you….coz sometimes even a mirror hides…!!!
DON’T Sit and wait to be acknowledged and bore people with the need and want to be seen. Be rather invisible in this busy world….do what you can do and do it well.   
Walk away satisfied. 
Ofcos gratitude goes along way. When we are acknowledged we carry it with us and do far much greater things….
All in all, remember that you matter and especially to yourself. 
Be authentic!!!

  

  

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