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You Matter…

“Treat people like mirrors & watch how you reflect in their eyes…!”
A sweet lady I know just sent me this text as I was getting myself ready to scratch this writing itch that has persisted. I journal everyday alright, but that’s different…
This is to tell you that God is Timely, Never doubt that people! I needed that text today…
Monday was a drag! To say the least. But I survived it. That’s why I wanted this therapy. Writing is my Escape. 
Today holds a better promise plus I’m feeling amazing. I am oozing positivity. So let’s indulge in it!
Instead of focusing on making ends meet, which is okay. Let’s live. Now! 
Here is how I am doing it: 
1: Pauline Don’t rush

I am focused on not trying to tackle everything at once. One thing at a time. One emotion at a time. One moment at a time. One day at a time. To Breathe!
2: Put off/ brush off Negativity 

I am an ambassador of this one. Ha! ha! Someone made me so mad the other day, I was shaking with fury. Literally shaking…Lord have Mercy! I decided consciously to move away from that moment, from that environment and literally sort some air, to breathe…this helped a lot. And while I’m yet to attend to that party..one that I have to sort…I choose to not dwell on it. Quiet time is mandatory to sort through your emotions. Whether they’re raging or not. 
3: Get emotions out

At times life takes you to breaking points. You wanna scream, cry, beat your chest, call out profanities.. It helps. 

Sort through the emotions I say. Handle the emotions nonetheless. Don’t shy away. 

Get in lots of positive vibes. The negative won’t have room. 
4: My Value… My Worth

How much are you worth? Ha! Ha!

Rate yourself as high as you can. I am and I try to be authentic( it’s a lifelong journey), nourish yourself, feed your soul with all the good stuff, trust your journey, be fab. You matter.
5: Just one Me: 

I am becoming the best version of who I am meant to be. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. But I want more money( 💯✔️😹😹). I am more wholistic in my approach to life. I cherish what I have in the present moment. I am lucky. I realized that my enjoyment of something doubles if I realize just how lucky I am to have it. So cheers to Life. Cheers Pauline. 
6: The Good

Ha!

When you get somethings right, you enjoy so many aspects of life….God. Love. Motherhood. Family. Work. The positive power of Friendships. Food. Etc
I still need more of Sand in my feet and wine in my hands. Vacation. Vacation. 
7: Goals

My goal today is to take yesterday to another level and tomorrow to soar high. But to ultimately sparkle today….go Higher, be better, be more positive, have lots of fun!
8: Quality/ Quantity

The Quality of moments lived is awesome when you maximize on them. No matter how much time you’ve got. Be meaningful. Connect with your moment. 
And so I am smiling because I am feeling good. My itch is scratched. My coffee needs a refill, but I am content. My heart is feeling settled. It’s beating for it’s purpose. I am alive in this moment. I am thankful. 
Ps: You are powerful, prove it to yourself. 😊

  

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Tomorrow is Not a Guarantee…

23:05:2015

I’ve just taken a motorbike to the hospital to see Papa since it’s visiting hours. It’s some minutes past noon and I have to be there in good time. He has been in hospital for almost a month. He is suffering from Dementia, Hypertension and Diabetes and they had to do a procedure to try see if it can help with the pressure wounds he had developed. 

The state I find him in is not very promising. He is on oxygen. How did this happen? “Complications of the surgery!” They say. He gives me this look. I can’t explain. I give him porridge. He eats abit. 

When the visiting hours are almost over, his condition deteriorates, he is gasping for more air. He is using his abdominal muscles now. As a medic, this is not a good sign. I help prop him some more. It helps only, but a little. 

They tell me to pray, I can’t find the words. I am crying now. So much is on my mind. I pray nonetheless. And wonder if this will be my last time to see what is left of his body…..with some life.  

I go on as difficult as it is and the call comes hours later from my brother that he had taken his last breath. Pronounced dead. 
He suffered. A lot…!
PRESENT DAY: 17:10:2017 

This was not long ago. But it feels like just yesterday when he went to be with The Lord. It’s crazy to think that someone who had such a huge part of your life can be gone in a second. 

It’s a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It’s the kind of heartache you feel in your bones. 
Is there a proper goodbye really? Just yesterday a friend slept and never woke up…No last words. Nothing. A very young person….so full of life!! 

We never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory~ dr. Seuss. 

THE NOW: 1527hours 



Why do we take life for granted? 

Why don’t we cherish it when we have good health? 

Why do we take for granted people who are placed in our lives? 

Why don’t we treat moments as if they’ll never come again? 

Give your all to what matters?

Do good?

Eat well?

Exercise?

Forgive? 

Move on?

Be in the now?

Our time is limited indeed.

Today is the perfect day to be happy!!!

Cherish it!!

  


Remembering Papa..

  
Minutes turned into hours, hours into days, days into months, months into years….two to be exact since wings were officially fixed on you and you found your way to heaven and now dancing with the other angels. It’s never easy at all, it never has been and it never will. I wish we are prepped long before when someone leaves just how to live without them. Maybe it will make it easy. 

As we go on day after day, we cherish the memories and enjoy the time God gave us with you. I keep thinking about you even if it pains…..

There are so many things that we need you to see. Words are inadequate…..

Dad….How ironic is it that people waste moments not listening to or paying much attention to people when they are alive?… But when they are not there, We live yearning for those moments? Life is Tricky at times. 

Hard lessons are instilled into us..that you should cherish people who matter in your life. To Find time….Not excuses!!

I want to assure you that in as much as life has it’s twists and turns, we are trying our level best in our èndevours. 

In The curve balls that life throws at us, we put our trust in God and somehow we pull through. 

My consolation is that I always know that you are smiling down on us. 

And as we continue to celebrate your life, we Thank God that He made you for us. 


Dance Papa. Dance. 

  

Dear Diary (Part Two)..

I just had to pop in an old bakery in the Central Business District and buy the shortbread cookies. I just had to…..oh dear!! My sweet tooth!!
I had been Nursing Tonsillitis the past couple of days. Yikes!!! So I guess I needed the reward…😎!! Yaaaas😜!
As I munch on my cookies…I do my part two of dear Diaries😎😎….
4/01/2017: Stay Close to anything that makes you Glad that you’re Alive…aha!!! That’s just a fact right??
10/01/2017: Much of life involves moral absolutes and that Truth is Truth. Oh Yeah.

Mistakes are Minimized when you acknowledge them and take appropriate action. And that without Hope there is no ACTION😎!!
11/01/2017: I repeat- Everything of Value has a Foundation. It may start out weak but along the way you realize that you have to have a strong foundation.
12/01/2017: Living is Important. Everyday is a Gift. The simpler we make our lives, the more the abundance. DO NOT SETTLE!!
The smallest intentional action (positive) step can make a lot of difference.
13/01/2017: What you give to the world will be returned to you…. Maybe not all at once or in the way you expect it….but if you give your very best, the very best will come back to you.
Destiny is made known silently.”~Agnes De Mille
Be ready to make some drastic changes If you seek to live with no regrets. Live in the Now!!!

These cookies could have been best enjoyed with a Mocha but I couldn’t wait.

Crunch. Munch. Crunchy. Crunchilicious😃!!

You’re meant to Enjoy life. Not Endure it. Enjoy today. 

Let’s keep writing😊!!!

The Vows Go Broken….

“I Pauline Mulwa, take thee, Mr. z, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, in Good health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s Holy ordinance: and thereto I pledge myself to you!”….

I googled this vow so I can get it right. I haven’t said this to anyone yet…and am Hopeful…(smiles in a daydream).. Don’t mind the title as well..you will see why when am done..

Do we have to say those vows? really? It just got me wondering just a little bit… like why cant it just be a wedding ( church or AG) with a simple promise written by each involved party? I think this vows are so cliche and a mockery to God and society. I mean I would personally feel guilty if I did not keep such a promise.

“Lets Get married and see how it Goes!”

“I want to experience My tomorrows with you!”

“lets do this love!”

Short and to the point. who feels me on this one? any one?

That way down the line when things like terminal illnesses comes, accidents, lack of jobs, days of trying to have kids, transfers to far away places of one of the spouse, the list could take days…. take cause then you know what to do or what decision to take.

This sparked my interest because these vows have kinda lost that deep meaning. Call me old fashioned but its true. To be honest I really don’t even know what my vows will be like but I don’t want cliche….LOL

Dear husband to be (whoever and wherever you are) I hope this finds you well and in an understanding mood. I will love you for that…

Musings and Feelings..

What makes me take time to write a post is my entry…Most of the time I want to say, “so, the other day blah blah…!” Or So, this great person I know… Then I hold back some and I end up saving it somewhere in my heart. When I go searching for it I find it mixed up with so many other entries and just smile as I try to sort out which is which.   

So here I am, still using my favourite word. Makes me seem unsure huh? It feels like it at times. But when the flow comes, it doesn’t matter where I am. As long as I have my phone or a pen and a paper. I will write away. It explains the sooo many sub notes I have. 

So what’s on my mind?! As usual it’s a buzz of a million thoughts.  


I heard a song today, a old classic by Pearbo Bryson and if you know him at all his songs can make you fall in love with the idea of being in love and loving somebody fiercely. Yeah I know I sound corny but it’s true. So I was thinking about that song and that feeling. Those feelings that you wanna feel. Haha And I wanted to write a novel at that time. It actually inspired my musings at this hour 17:05 on a rather hot Tuesday evening. The song holds a promise and a deep kinda hope. That would definately take a romantic to cloud nine. 


It’s very okay to feel like this. It’s actually refreshing. As you can tell today am focused on love. Romantic live that is. I believe in love. I never used to at some bleak point in life, but now I so Do!! And I guess it’s a given for us to feel like true romantic love doesn’t exist and It’s normal…..we all pass thru this phase. Let no one fool you. 


(To be continued…..)


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