Reach Out Please…

As I bite into this sumptuous buttermilk biscuit I feel like I truly deserve to indulge some. I should also look for some ice cream with caramel or add a chocolate fudge cake. And I’m also craving a double latte. It’s one of those days. Where you feel things you don’t understand. 😀😀😀. 

Sugar rush aside…

I also mean to pour out my heart or maybe rant a bit…just a little bit😁😁

I might sound contradictory but understand That I am feeling things😜😜
I had a very long convo with my mother just the other day and we talked about so many things and about just how many people are in constant competition and comparison issues. That people can’t just be happy for other people. People gotta score. 

Allow me to tell a story: there’s a lady who was having it rough at her home. Typical relationshipp stress, work stress, parenting overload, emotions baggage etc. While she had her friends and siblings all in close proximity, most of them were so consumed in living that none was reaching out to each other and especially this specific sister. When she realized that any attempt to talk to a friend or sister or brother was slim to none she built walls so high, so much so that even when someone eventually decided to care, she decided to be ‘busy!’ She was in constant pain. Emotionally ….but now it was also physical. Disease was and had manifested in her body. ….And she was all ‘alone’. 

Before I continue: we all need that pat on the shoulder. Don’t be fooled if you meet me and I tell you that I don’t. 

Anyway,

One day all hell broke loose and she started vomiting blood. A lot of blood. One minute it’s the ER. The next it’s transfusion. The next kidneys are failing…..The next it’s ICU…..then tests revel waved raptured ulcers. Damn!!!!
The next…..she was gone!!!! At 43!!!

Two kids left behind. And a ‘husband!

“If you want the people you love to really feel loved, it’s essential to risk the awkwardness of asking them what their needs are!”

I can’t quite relate to her story but so many times it’s what most people go through. Stress and holding stuff in has made me have bed rest for days. That’s when I realized just how opening up can be therapeutic. Whoa!!!!

To me I’m a victim of bad communication. I’ve suffered. And it still surfaces. People are people. And life is a cycle. And while it’s very important to reach out. It’s also important to be sought after. Loose the ego. The pride. The selfish interest. The competition. Always rise above these. 

We are brought together by common values and interests. And so when you have people in your life it’s good to know what they’re all about. Just Incase something seems amiss, then you can reach out. 

It breaks my heart a lot when you try so much to reach out and the efforts go unnoticed. Life can be vicious..so just appreciate and reciprocate. 

But I’ve also learnt that it’s good to choose people who choose you. You go where you’re wanted not tolerated. As you go on your everyday life, reach out to someone. You never know. You might just be that hero who saves their life. 

I don’t think the sugar has helped much to my feelings, but just sharing has opened me up. And I’m feeling much better. 

Don’t let those people you say you love feel lonely. Disturb them😜

Reach out and help others. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. Be a vessel, be the change, be the difference, or be the inspiration. Shine your light as an example. The world needs more of that. 

Germany Kent. 

  

Rambling Thoughts…

  
“Thank you Lord. For today. For the Universe. For family. For food. For school. For teachers…….” A. M. E. N.  
Simple. Genuine. Precise. Leaves you Misty eyed. It’s a simple prayer of a seven-year-old boy…..Night after night mostly we sit by his bedside and pray together and I’m always wowed awed and moved. 

While my prayer is much more detailed sometimes it’s coupled with that days worries and burdens and let-downs…and it shouldn’t. But my human self let’s it!!
Sometimes you have to play the cards you’re dealt. Extraordinary Hardships….will always be there!!
Nothing can prepare us for the adversity life can throw at us. 

Day by Day…we all go through so much and we always grow through it. We all have stories that put our lives into perspective. We should not compare and compete. Instead we should learn from these experiences and get inspired. 
Being older means yes, you have learnt a lot through and through but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open to more lessons, insights and growth. 
Not all classrooms have four walls. Lessons in life are from everywhere and everyone. All the darn time. If you’re not keen enough so many things can pass you by. 
The simple prayer from a child can change your perspective and approach to life. 
A simple idea from a 20 year old to a 60 year old can be eye opening. 
A single person can give a life-changing advice to a married person. 
Are we willing to learn and to keep an open mind?
Be resilient. 
Be uncomfortable at times ( paying attention to your emotions for emotions are meant to be felt not suppressed).
Rewrite your story. Be authentic. Share that story. You’ll realize that when you open up you’ll know people for who they are…!
See the world as it is….ha!!
Be your own superhero. 
Be creative. Improvise where you can. 
Focus on what you have. Don’t wait….
Find your purpose…based on your values. 
Have one person to cheer you on. Be with people who make you think. 
Above all leave your burdens to God. He ALWAYS ALWAYS comes through. 
Pray. 
Believe!!!

PS: (23:05:2015….it’s been three years since Papa passed away. It still feels like yesterday. We miss him dearly and we know he is always smiling down on us)

  

Time Out…

  

“You were not born to pay bills and die!”

I can’t tell you how many times this phrase gets to me. I’m sure I can’t be the only one. At times it feels like it’s like so!! 

We work! Work! Work! Work!
A good friend of mine once asked me along time ago how I fit anything social into my life! It was a true genuine concern which actually saddened that moment…. I actually do…otherwise I would go mad…I said😂😂

Everyone needs time out.

 To re-focus. 

To breathe.

 To be centered. 
I work very hard. That’s a fact. Two jobs. There’s a job after my regular job. But I don’t mind. There are people with no jobs!!

 And there are many people who do the same. Work! Work! Work! I love my job. Helping people who are in pain get better is fulfilling to say the least. I am thankful. Being thankful goes a long way. At least I know it works for me. It’s important that people be thanked for what they do. It really is. Otherwise they might never know how much they’re appreciated. 

The world is ever changing. People have to make ends meet. But also finding a correct balance at times becomes a challenge. Times moves so fast!!
Then you have to have a circle that makes sure you’re grounded. That you don’t have to break when you do these things. When you adult. People who are willing to remind you that it’s okay to take time out and regroup. People who are willing to listen to your troubles and actually understand why you work so hard. People who remind you that asking for help is not being weak. People who don’t judge you in whatever way. 
It’s 9:12am on a somewhat cold-ish Friday. It’s been a tough week of fighting a throat infection and crazy traffic jam. But I’m feeling super energetic and light. 

Life is tough. 

Life is beautiful. 

It’s even better when we take time out every so often. 
Work hard. But live life!!
Life is for living.

 Not for enduring!

  

Life is For Living…

Nine days ago was my last journal update( I know I know….it’s a long time)…

I wrote, “listen to yourself….the voice that’s in your heart and not your head; it’ll lead you to your goal!”What was I going through?? 😎😎
What can I say….? It’s been a roller-coaster of events and emotions…as usual. It’s amazing how times pan out sometimes…WHOA!!
The mind is a battlefield indeed!!!
We lost a workmate due to a short illness and that really weighed down on us big-time. It was an emotional time to be honest and one that deeply engraved into us the true meaning on living in the moment. Life is indeed for living. May you dance with the angels buddy. 

So I sit and sip on my green tea and reflect on the days gone by and also on the lessons that come with everyday. 

I’ve been having fatigue. Physically. Emotionally. Whateverly…I mean really! I was actually looking for possible vacation locations just Incase… ( it’s good to be optimistic..it’s the thought that counts right?)..I have to make it happen sooner…
I realized that life like I said can pan out in interesting ways:-
1) Confusion: you become confused about your direction and focus as a human being. As it happens confusion can be a strong point in life….for it’s where you get to learn new things. It’s not easy but I’ve learnt to embrace confusion when it happens. You learn about people and situations better. Your eyes are opened. Ps: you are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. 
2) Brokenness: this is part of life. There are many things that break us,..but despite it all realize that it comes with healing. It’s never permanent. You learn to heal through music, art, friendships, getaways….
3) Frustration: when you’re frustrated you learn to make authentic decisions. Oh boy! This one is major. So many things can frustrate you. Grrrrrr (breathing in and out)! Lemmi not focus on it today. This tea is calming…Ps: you know you’re on the right track because things stop being easy!!

4) Sadness: oh this month has a fair share of sad moments😿😿😿😿😞. But it’s during this time that you can hear your heart’s wisdom. Do not suppress this emotion at all. Cry if you have to but live through it. Ps: weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.

5) Joy: this is to be experienced almost everyday. There are so many reasons to. Especially when you sit and realize that you’re here. Now. In this very moment. Healthy. Fed. Clothed. Be joyous at all times. 
I’m listening to Jazz. I’m calm. I’m feeling great. I never want to hide from my emotions. I used to but I’ve met people who have taught me not to suppress things. Even if you are stark raving mad. 
Life is for living. Be brave. Be authentic. Be ready. You’re worthy. Always!!!

Ps: when you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better~ Solange!!

  

Quotable Quotes…

Stop being on auto-pilot, Put yourself first, 

Recognize yourself, 

Stop pleasing other people,

or chasing some version of success that doesn’t resonate with you,

No need to numb it out with food, shopping, booze, TV, or other distractions,

Stop being worn down, beat up, stressed out, and completely depleted…. 
Wake Up

Live Intentionally!!! 

 

Music Heals….

…….”🎶…I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing

Roman cavalry choirs are singing

Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can’t explain

I know St. Peter won’t call my name

Never an honest word

But that was when I ruled the world….🎶🎤….

Viva la Vida…Cold Play Baby….

This music mix was happening around mid-morning…

Friday. Friday….

I woke up feeling dusty, tired, my neck was aching, I could use a reason for feeling this way but I guess it’s just one of those mornings. You wish you were waking up to find yourself in a stay-cation somewhere. The sounds of birds, the river, the trees and their whispering…but reality check……work awaits darling!!!

So coincidentally, I had put aside my blue pants…so much for feeling blue huh???
I did not even exercise..I should have…Those endorphins would’ve done me good.

Went to the bus…logged into social media( I avoid this in the morning)…but was looking for a pick-me-up I guess…

My phone went off and I logged into the world of Nicholas Spark’s True Believer…still no Sparks!!!

Then I just closed my eyes and extended my sleep…😊👀!

I get to work and do my coffee ( what a miracle worker)…and listen to Ted Talks…(get into this habit)…it’s good for you!!

What did it though apart from a call from a friend and seeing a long lost friend was music. Oh Music…

…🎶…for some reason I can’t explain …🎶…

Soft rock mix!!

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. …” Bob Marley!!

The magic brought an upbeat to my walk. And my face lit. As I worked I bobbed my head and sang along.

As I write this, I don’t feel bad about my blue pants( blue is my favorite color after all), my mood is light and am not feeling dusty. I might have to do something about my neck but am okay. Am smiling and am shining. And the music playing on radio is just super super amazing.

Thanking God it’s Friday😜!!

Joy in the Morning..

Aha!!

This was not a moment to behold. I was bewildered. I was feeling like a ticking time bomb. The explosion was about to happen anytime…. I was one moment tossing…. Another moment Pacing….another moment almost kicking my feet in the air.

Rambling thoughts. Emotions. Pain…..

I got misty eyed….no…scratch misty eyes..I was almost wailing…

Toothache!!

That night I could do anything to ease the pain I was in. I took a shower..I had green tea(don’t ask)…I took a high dose of painkillers…my son kissed my cheek..my brother played me soft rock…since my mom was home, she massaged ointment on my cheek…and also Iced my swollen cheek. I was looking like I had just come from a boxing match and had lost( knockout)…LOL…. .NOTHING….NOTHING was working… I totally blame the devil!!
Somehow all these remedies decided to collaborate with each other and sleep came.

“Weeping may endure for the night….but Joy comes in the morning..” True. True. True. I now properly get the meaning of that statement. I looked at myself in the morning and started laughing. And the funniest thing is that when I looked outside, the sun coming out was the most beautiful sight…let’s just say an Aha moment…a sight to behold…..

It made me think of the saying,.. that there’s always sunshine after the storm…hahaha!!
Now that my stormy night was in the past, I focused on my morning and it’s beauty with my Cheek swollen and pain free,I could afford positive vibes.

It got me thinking how in life we tend to focus on the pain forgetting that it’s always preparing us and shaping us to welcome the warmth and beauty of life. For we can not have everything that easy. That if we endure pain, as long as we are willing to go through with it….we emerge strong and victorious.

The toothache in your life will only last during the night. A bright morning is coming. Hang in there buddy!!!

Why Worry…?

Alive✔️

Healthy✔️

Blessed✔️

When we have this order in life, then why complain? There are so many other entries to key things to add to the above check list but these are the ones that top the list. Though all of them collectively equal to BLESSED!!!

Yesterday my son and I went to the supermarket to get a gift to our good friend. So we paid and went ahead to have our special gift wrapped. So we find this talkative guy who greeted us and the next thing that he said shocked me!!

Him: instead of wrapping gifts I should be finishing my degree…
Me: (touched and uttering a silent prayer) oh..
Him: it’s true, my friends are busy studying and here I am…. Doing long hours and poor working conditions…
Me: What about life!?
Him: (shocked)
Me: at least you’re doing something noble and saving up. There are some who are in a morgue right?
Him:true madam. I hadn’t thought about that really. I guess I should just be thankful huh?
Me: now that’s the spirit!! We human focus on what is going wrong in our life instead of the obvious positive that we have daily.
So he engaged my son and they team worked into wrapping the gift together. So I told him to keep his dream alive….(that of going back to campus)…
That’s the way of life. As hard as it is…the best thing to do is to learn contentment in our lives. Be thankful for what we have.

I got this:

“Most of what worries us today has absolutely nothing to do with today. – If you worry too much about what might be or what might have been, you will ignore and totally miss what is. Worry is the greatest opposition to the present moment. It does nothing but steal your joy and keep you incredibly busy doing absolutely nothing worthwhile at all….!”
So we thanked each other as I also learnt something from him. He told my son, “always strive to help out your mama okay young man?…now help your mama carry this gift and have fun at the party!!”

How cool is that???

Alive? Healthy? Blessed?? Say thank You!!

So many lessons but are we learning????

C’mon Inner Peace…

While I have been thinking about Growth and Coffee and all the good things…sparkles, good vibes, sundresses and lemonades…,vitamin Sea…., you wake up on days where being human kicks in fast and hard. And it can suck!! BIG-TIME!!!!!
When being the bigger one in ‘grown up’ situations makes you feel small in the big decisions,
When the search for the inner peace feels like a climb in a very steep mountain and trying to meditate feels like a bad joke.

When the phrase, ‘it’s one of those days” feels like three years squeezed into a day…
Deep breathing feels like you have done a thousand sprints in a span of a long minute and you can’t even catch up with your breathe….
When sleep evades you or you feel sleeping for 6 days because you just feel tired…
Then you meet people who have had it TOUGH!!!! I mean TOUGH!!!
You got nothing on what they go through. What being human to them means. Those people Who carry a bucket of water to put off your fire because that’s who they are.
They are downright HUMBLE.
They honestly just sit down and listen. They want to be heard but it’s not always about them. They don’t have the ‘I’ syndrome. And then they offer a simple, ‘it’s gonna be alright ‘ nod. Simple kind gestures. Kindness is theirs to keep.
And then you sit down and listen to them and just become stunned and shush. Because no words can come out right…
In that moment you are reminded that if we just sit and listen we will always hear the depth of what really goes on. That it’s okay to feel down and unworthy. But there is hope. There is a promise. That at the end of the day, we are just that….HUMAN!!!!!